Mycroft made some magic armor—
In the morning Cpt Maclay’s manservant leads us to the office. Four heavily armored guards stand in corners of room. Breastplates polished to mirror sheen and helmets topped with vermillion plume.
Jack and Mycroft do a history check and succede. Looks like the Damori elite guard. We enter the room and see more of the same guards. A guard closes the door and stands blocking the exit.
A spindly elf in fancy robes turns and smiles at us. “I’m gov Mum Ra, sup?! Yo u guyz pwnded thoz dudez it wuz rad.” “hi i’m mycroft. asl?” “Oh hai u b grey goblins lol”
Maclay says “zomgz u guys r00l. go 2 post and pwn moar dudez”.
Semenal’s port 3 days travel to west. Cargo ship can take you. Port city.
I’M on a BOAT
“hai hai plz 2 b makin urselfz at home”
I’m saaaaaailing awaaaaaay…...
Day 1: chillin Day 2: smokin all the opium….
“whut b this port liek?” “it iz teh sux u b bored. if j00 see mah bitch myrna say thur sent u. no goblinz or nothin. i got to get back to werk ttyl”
Day 3: Town in the distance!
Single ship in the harbor. Jack wants dibs.
Jack wants to spy on the people. Via telescope he sees normal redneck assholes.
We get off at the harbor. Get on longboat and in town. Straigh ahead to west, town that looks like center of city with a big building.
Mycroft “lf gubment?!”
HENDRICK HOWSE (inn/tavern) with 7-11 across the street
We go INN to the INN in search of Theven.
Table full of drunk men are playing turd skull. Woman behind the bar with a mullet and looks like a bull dog. She’s got green skin (orcish).
We all stay. Choco climbs up on the roof. To the north Choco sees a chapel, storage, and a 7-11.
We report in via the iPhone Medallion. “u seen teh guardz?” “no guards :(” “plz 2 b finding teh guardz kthxbye”
Jack: “i b lookin 4 ruinz, where they be at yo?”
Myrna: “Damori guardz b kickin it at tha ruinz. Blacksmith makes them fat lewtz. I been on vaycay but just got back. These guyz here suck. I b cracking nutz if they start shit”
Rowdy Peeps: “Buy us drinks biatches”
Jack: “Myrna get them pisswater it’s like what they drink anyways”
Rowdy Peeps: “we don’t drink piss. Myrna line up the good stuff it’s on our friend.”
Jack: “I’m not your friend”
Rowdy Peeps: “Who do you think you are? Don’t know know who we are?!?”
Jack: “i’m just a guy you tried to get to buy you a drink. Maybe I’d buy your mother a drink I hear that’s the way to get her knickers off”
Rowdy Peeps: “Yaaarrrrghghgh!! we’re the scourge of the ten seeeeeas!!!”
Rowdy Peeps: Shuug night and Flegg the Smegg
Choco Grasping Claws some dude in the FACE
Mycroft pushes dude into table and knocks him prone.
FACE MEET TABLE
dudez pull out crossbows and attack jack. 1 hit.
Dude hits lenore for 8 dmg
The hula hoop champion stands up
Lenore’s turn! Dude with lantern kicks in the door.
dark skinned human with grizzly scar busts in “WTF?!?”
Myrna busts over the bar with a club.
Choco is like fuck you i pwnz. dude tackles her to the floor and knocks her down. she stands up and is like “rawwwr”. shifts to human form and shifts back.
Jack stealths behind the bar but he knocks shit over getting there.
Brigands drop weapons. “hey we’re just chillin yo wtf we is gangsta”
Myrna sez “these pirates started it.” Guard dude turns to pirates and is like wtf
Sounds of hooves and horses and dudez dismounting.
Guards are posting signs. Watchman says they are stationed at the ruins. Poster is a wanted poster. Officer unrolls parchment “hear ye hear ye. entire town be under quarantine. no one may pass in or out until further notice” officer scans room as if looking for someone then heads out into street.
WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE – 2,000 GP – Gnome with big ears
Jack “scuze me ocifer!”
Dude “get in the bar y0 you haz cooties”
Jack (high diplomacy check) “whassup with tha quarantine”
Dude “u b civilian, it’s a s3krit”
Jack “i b townsguard!”
Dude “who sent u?”
Dude “oh shiet. what u want 2 know?”
Jack “who is this dude?”
Dude “filthy gnomeses must die, keeeeel him!”
Jack “what he do?”
Dude “stuff. can’t talk now. speak to my boss”
Dude “Markol Farkool. j00 must help thx 2 yr l33t skillz”
Jack “kk np”
Dudes left, we have to keep dudes inside.
choco is on the roof keeping watch smokin bluntz
dudes are in the inn drinking courvassier and peeps be chillin
Sherrif Shreeve “no one’s going anywhere on my watch I’ll have Farkoolz soldiers on you in a second”
war horn (thx nick for sound effects)
Dwarven sailor: “look!” barely discernable figures seen. Dwarf jumps through the window.
Myrna bars door.
Stumpy makes it almost to the docks before being tackled by a bunch of creaturs and squeeling like a little girl while being devoured by creatures.
Sherriff is liek help me dudez. Shrieking and crying can be heard all around.
Myrna runs to bar and tells Jack to follow her…. if he wants to live.
Mycroft stays downstiars.
Tells sherif, “yo we shd go up stairs yo.”
sherif “stand down suckaz, i ain’t no fool”
Mycroft “fuck you sucka foo i’m out”
Chapel is radiating white light.
Sailors throw a dude out the window and he gets et. They run for the docs while the zombie is distracted. We decide to go north via building jumping like some kickass freerunner ninjas.
<<meta>> DM shows cover of adventure and Aug starts singing “Port of No Return” to the tune of “Point of No Return” the cheezy exposay song.
Jack makes the jump but Lenore and Choco fall and land on their butts.
Zombie attacks Choco for 8 necrotic dmg
Zombie attacks Mycroft for 12 necrotic dmg
Zombie attacks Lenore for 8 necrotic dmg
Jack secures the grappling hook and takes a pot shot.
Choco calls lightining and kills 3 zombies. 4 attack her for 12 dmg. Shifts into beast form.
Mycroft kills 4 zombies.
Lenore runs for rope and succedes climb check.
A zombie moves out of the call lightning zone and dies.
Jack takes a pot shot and misses.
Choco uses Darting Bite and takes out a zombie. Succedes Athletics check and climbs up rope. Shifts to human form.
Lenore shoots a zombie in front of Mycroft and hits.
Mycroft attacks a zombie with booming blade and misses. Moves to rope and takes attacks from zombies. takes 4 necrotic damage. Climbs rope.
Party moves across the rope.
Jack takes double move.
Lenore takes double move.
Choco moves and uses Call of Beast to kill 1 zombie.
Zombies climb up to roof.
Jack jumps and falls.
Mycroft feysteps and throws a rope down.
Choco jumps and falls short but takes no damage.
lenore jumps and falls short
5 zombies attack Jack and none hit. 3 zombies attack Choco and one hits. 4 zombies attack Lenore and two hit.
Choco uses Roar of Terror to pwn 13 zombies. Jack runs for the rope and takes 2 opportunity attacks and one hits Lenore climbs up the rope but misses the first time.
10 zombies attack the wall, 5 succede, building shakes a little bit. 8 attacks against choco, 24 dmg holy shiet!! Lenore makes a basic range attack and misses Mycroft makes a basic range attack and misses Mycroft jumps and squashes a zombie. Choco uses second wind and razorclaw shifting Choco climbs, zombie attacks and hits, she falls. Moar zombies attack Choco nobody can save her heeeeeelp!?! Jack heals Choco. Mycroft kills 13 zombies. we pwned 46 zombies. 500XP each!!!!!!!!!